Once More into the Grid, Once More into the Grid.....

If my post below was snarky, I apologize. I was writing about things I did not know from personal experience. Sometimes this blog shows the "human" side to Tele (now that is funny). In world, he works so hard at being an icon of virtue, a hard worker and loyal friend, at times he has to blow off steam here. This post is going to blow off some steam, ic and ooc, as they say.

First, I see that Hostpur is leaving SL for a time. This is very sad for me, even though I have not seen him in world months and months. And I am terrible at reading the blogs, though his remains perhaps the finest sl blog I know and I will miss it anyway. Change often hurts. I wish him and his unique genius the absolute best in his rl. And if he sees this, I will lend aid any way I can if asked in either world. I believe he knows this.

As many know, I took a long break from SL myself, about 9 months. That was driven mostly by a back injury exacerbated by sitting, but also by my own need to embrace rl and clear my grid-addled head. I tend to get pulled into things rather fully; one might say obsessively :) SL was no exception. Over my break I wrote, grew in my spiritual life, engaged in rl community. But also, during my long days working at home, I fought the old loneliness. I have a loving wife and son; I love when we are all sitting around the living room watching tv, eating ice cream, talking smack. But I work from home about half the time, my wife is now working full time, my son can drive himself and has a girlfriend...you see. The isolation of long days spent in my mountain home returned. After some thought, and after realizing talking to my little dog was not enough, after finding out I could kneel on a pillow in front of the computer for a little while (I do not play sl on the laptop; I can't fight from a mousepad) I took a peek back in.

What did I see?

Fina, the great city of white stone and the place I served for so long, had been rebuilt twice. Worse, when I showed up, it was stripped of half its prims. Mostly gone. It took me a little while to find out why; I actually heard the truth, or part of it, from a bondmaid when I was visiting an old friend in the North (sorry, we are in gor world now). Jake, the prior Admin and builder, had been booted. I was stunned. I came to Fina long ago looking for the home of Jake and another named Cornelius Tal. Jake took my application and swore me to the Stone. And Fina was just great. There were raids and I fought some, but mostly I worked that Gate. I got to be as good at telling who was lying, who was spying, who was legit, as any cop! Hah! You see we were a big and active City, and had visitors all the time. When I was on, they usually had to talk to me before they got in.

And as I have said before, I served there under legends, but a gradually decreasing legend base. I was unsure what to do about the Jake thing; there are always two sides to every story and I really do avoid drama so I did not know what had occured. But when Bryan left, that was it. I spoke to Jake, believed his sincerity and still do, and as I say in my prior post, went to Zamora.

Zamora is different, a small port town. When I got there maybe 3 weeks ago, it was by itself. Now, Jake has, amazingly, rebuilt the Counter Earth Continent, the CEC. We are 8 sims I think (used to be 23) but it is a good start, and with Teletus and Sais on our continent I am happy (Maddog and Bohica, officers from the white city days).

Oh, there is lots of water. I have an old Viking boat I am learning to sail but I am very bad at it. Twice I have gone, each time with a friend, and I am afraid I made each seasick as I spun and weaved around! Laughs. Still, sailing in Gor is new to me and I look forward to exploring by water.

This is the bright side. What about the venting I hinted at earlier? What else have I found in the grid?

One, I used to have very close friends, many. Some I still do have, and do still trust, but others have changed. Or my perspective has changed. It does not help, and I must apologize, that living in an rp sim, even a new one with not many people, constantly pulls me away from IM. So unless I am sitting in my house in Zamora, that IM I started or answered standing on the City wall or hanging out with my door open ends up interrupted by some rp need or other. Sometimes combat related, sometimes now. Oh, on that note, I have won my first couple of bow fights in the field; one against a panther elder. Grins.

Still, I feel like some of the personalities I encounter in the grid are changed. Old and new. Maybe I am more aware; we are, after all, living outside reality when we are in second life. Some are there to escape, as perhaps I myself am running from daytime isolation. I am not judging, just considering. And I will tell one story, for me a powerful event.

My dear (once) Ward (who is still very nice to me and whom I never see) was visiting me in Zamora. We were on a high tower when I saw a panther creep in from the swamps (panthers are women who live in the woods and make war on the cities, basically). I started chasing her; we had a fairly long bowfight with her winning a bit at range. When she got close though, since my only real bow training has been in close, she was soon down. I took her weapons, bound her hands and feet, and tied a rope to the bindings. Then dragged her over to where Sera could hear the rp.

It was the usual: growl, let me go, male, I am free, etc. I am never cruel in Gor. I have let many captives go (I am far from the only one who does that) and only keep them when there is some political reason (like trading for our own captives) or when I am told to, as with someone who has committed some criminal act. This girl was alone, had no tribe (very unusual) and softened her tone when (after making sure she was disarmed and had no poison needles in her hair) I cut her loose and fed her lunch. Her tone continued to soften, and soften, and I saw what was coming...an overture. I am used to refusing those, so I took her to my house, gave her a glass of wine, and asked about her story.

She had a long, long story, in prior avatars, even had known me a little before (if she told me the whole truth, don't know). She was someone who has been hurt a lot in sl. One sees this sometimes in the rp sims (including Caledon). And so I did a very rare thing with her: I asked her to cuddle. You know, just cuddle the avatars while we talked. I do not find this arousing or outside my comfort limits, but I don't do it with many people. Very few, in fact, over the years. She took a picture of us (without asking first) and wrote our names on it...joking because as a panther she is an enemy of the City and I am a Warrior of the City, etc. So far, okay. Then I had to go, or she did, we friended and I logged.

When I came back in later, she was outside the wall again, and fired on me; this was a bit odd. I thought I was alone, but suddenly Maddog's FC (partner) was beside me. I had not met her, did not know her though the name was familiar. She saw I was wounded, tended to my wound (with some very good rp) and before I knew she was with Maddog, Mad, crazy sonofabitcht that he is, had gone around the City side into the Wood itself though it was crawling with panthers and mercenaries. He was fighting the very panther I had met earlier, the one who fired on me and then him, to the south; his FC told me who she was with, where he was, and what he was doing. I was off the wall with drawn bow immediately.

When I got there, they were both almost down. She had Mad very low, only one hit away from dropping him. That would indeed be a rare event, very rare; Mad is a legend. She was also very low, and I hit her once or maybe twice and she was down from either myelf or Mad.

As soon as she hit the ground out it comes: gee thanks Tele I almost had him.

Do you realize the preposterous nature of that remark? A panther I have known for a few hours fires on a Commander in a City with a formal alliance to Zamora; the same Commander who was my Ubar in Fina long ago; he is my Steel Brother as we have sparred in the Arena; he is Jake's best friend. I was appalled. But she kept going, taunting Mad for how low she had him, berating me for helping him, saying how epic it would have been if she had downed Maddog. I told her, in IM, she was on her own now, good luck. Mad hauled her off to Teletus to collar her, I think.

I began to wonder; I peeked in her profile, and there in her Picks was the picture of us, published without my permission. I told her I was not sure how I felt about that in IM, and she reacted very strongly. Then, when Mad branded her (part of being collared; she knows this, and Mad plays for real, which she also knows) she sent me the text, said 'thanks' as if that were my fault; I said that's it we're done, and she pulled me off her fl two seconds before I got to it.

***

You know, that hurt me. I think I am in a place in the grid where I am trying to make new friends. Bryan, thankfully, has come to Zamora, but often the city is empty. Mercedes, my one real friend there, is in a different time zone and as busy in world as me. It may one day feel like Fina did; I am patient, but it does not feel that way yet.

So, is second life worth it? Will I get what I need there, what I want?

I don't know. I don't want to get sucked in as much as I was before (I cannot kneel that long, but I also find myself less 'sucked in' at the mental level). And there are some strange people there. People whose emotional real lives are subsidiary to the emotions generated in sl. It is strange to see that now. I want friends I can trust who are sane in both worlds. People like Eva (whom I probably see in world twice a year). I still trust people: Dia, Sera, Tasdron, Martini, Vid, etc. But none of those people are in Zamora. I trust Jake, but that man works harder in sl than a corporate lawyer in rl. Time will tell.

Thanks for letting me talk. I wanted to tell some cool adventure stories from Gor but just vented instead. Adventure and challenge is why I am there. It's not the books, or the slave rp; it's the Honor, Brotherhood, and Adventure. SL Gor is so full of adventure I cannot begin to describe it. I have a score of stories, cornered by panthers in the wood and talking my way out of it, being bound by outlaws and thrown in the river to drown (and rescued by Mad and Jake that time) , so many, many stories. Next time :)